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But on the off chance it would crush your wife to be told everything, just tell her about Ms. After a few tense years, we started couples therapy.
He told our therapist that every time I hooked up with someone, he was retraumatized because it reminded him of the time I broke up with him for six months 20 years ago.
He says this would be best, since my hooking up triggers him. But they were cuckold couples, GMHC, and the half who didn't "get to" hook up with others didn't want to hook up with others.
The cuck half of a cuckold couple gets off on their partner "cheating" on them.
Which means it's both ultimatum and bluff-calling time.
So long as your husband thinks he can dictate terms by pointing to his triggers and his trauma, GMHC, he has every incentive to continue being triggered and traumatized.
Or maybe you're the wrong kind of sadist: the un-self-aware emotional sadist.